Here's how I experience gender:
Woman is a good term for how people read me, and thus one sort of marginalization I face.
Femininities (culture-dependent) are modes of behaviour I've learned, survival skills, things imposed on me from outside, things I can manipulate for effect (eg people react more kindly to the health issues when I'm not also presenting in a way that confuses their expectations). They're not me.
In general I always have an awareness of which femininity I'm acting at any given time, just like I have an awareness of which accent I'm using as I hear it; but, like accent, how it comes out is not always coherent with how it "ought" to be in my head, and I feel wrong a lot.
Actual sense of gender ID is I think fluid, shifting from feminine to neutral/neither/other/agendered generally over the course of days or weeks but sometimes quite quickly. I don't ever really feel masculine per se. I think.
I've been saying I have a weak internal sense of gender, but IDK if that's actually accurate or if I've just weakened it over the years. Realizing just now that I have spent most of my life squishing my awareness of this, thinking of it as one more thing I wasn't doing right, one more way I wasn't good enough, so now it's really hard for me to hear that part of me. Since I started listening to it again, it's never been weak enough I could ignore it completely or just stop thinking about all it, which... you'd think, if this wasn't internally-important, it would have shut up by now. Given how little energy i have in general.
So okay what does that even mean in terms of labels? That's where I get confused
Things I'm pretty sure of: I am a woman (I claim the label!), I am still most comfortable with she/her/hers, I am cissexual, I'm not cisgendered.
Things I'm less sure of: what specific label actually works. I think genderfluid works as a description, but less as a label, because the cultural connotations don't fit me, and English terminology isn't actually universal, and flail. But it's not like I speak Hindi, or am even fluent in Tamil or anything other than English. So, for now, not claiming any labels with any degree of certainty. Hopefully the only person this confuses is myself.
And now I am pretty irreparably out, aren't I? On this at least.