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shweta_narayan
So you guys

I thought this was obvious. People keep proving me overly optimistic. Check your privilege at the door, please

This does not mean "If you can't say nice don't say anything"; that is a sweet and gentle tool of oppression. Besides, I get stuff wrong all the time and appreciate being called on it once I've had a minute to get over myself.

It does mean, "If you can't show awareness of and empathy for problems other people have that you don't share, then listen, learn, and STFU while you're doing it." It most definitely does not mean come in telling me that you don't see oppression therefore I'm making it up in my silly little irrational brown head.

The utterly ignorant opinions of the privileged are not in fact worth more than the not utterly ignorant opinions of people in oppressed groups.

This also means that, if you don't want to learn about those problems, or if you "know nothing about {racism/sexism/ableism/other systemic oppression}" but still think you can tell people who experience it what's really going on, bewail our "filters", or ask if we've "actually considered" obvious things, then perhaps this space is one you should not be posting in. (And if you are confused about why such blather is condescending, I suggest you go find a dictionary.)

Because, yes indeed, blithely entitled folks, there are spaces where you should either STFU or GTFO. This is one of them.

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Current Mood: angryangry
 
 
shweta_narayan
03 December 2010 @ 06:07 pm
Just to keep track.

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Either the thyroid is knocking the lungs out of whack, or I need to get re-evaluated on the asthma meds, because the asthma is less controlled than it's been in... I think 15 years or so.

Qualitative: The sore-inflamed may be entirely from the cough, but the sudden-tightness, normally only triggered by cigarette smoke & extreme cold, is different and discomfiting. And has made it harder to go to sleep (which is a bad cycle, as lack of sleep makes the asthma worse).

Quantitative: I've used my rescue inhalor more days than not in the last month or so, over 2 puffs on at least a third of those days (normal for me: 2 puffs once or twice a month); that's, conservatively speaking, more in the last month than in the year before that. I've increased the steroid use as of Dec 2. My peak flow is still hovering around 350, even mid-afternoon. And I can hear the middle-of-lungs wheeze on exhale (not on inhale most of the time, so no reason to panic) whenever ambient noise drops.

Is this just the Chronic Bronchitis From Hell? I'm unconvinced.

I'm also unconvinced that the anaesthetic-to-kill-the-cough is really helping, because I've done that for several weeks & the itch has stayed quite bad, it's lower in my lungs than sinusitis exacerbation would really explain (I think), and it's starting to sound like it wants to be productive again. Which means I might well be damping the symptoms of a continuing infection.

And... perhaps I'm looking at things backward, and the asthma being suddenly-exacerbated is part of why the cough won't go away? I've never had asthma-coughing (as opposed to wheezing) except as a reaction to feather mold (which closes my throat up, not my lungs), but if everything else is changing, this could too.

Moar Questions to ask the doc on monday. I guess.

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I don't need or particularly want hugs or reassurances or even acknowledgement really here; I'm... in a prickly mood in general today & this is more in the nature of public accountability, which I do better than personal accountability.

But that brings up a question to ponder: why does it seem important to me to post these things "out loud", unlocked, unhidden, with comments allowed? Is it ego-posting? I do sometimes need reassurance, but not right now, and I think the stuff I *manage*, like the art, is much more ego-ish than this. Is it activism? IDEK. I am very aware of my friends-with-illnesses whose experiences make it much harder to admit this stuff out loud. But does this help? Is it neutral? Is it talking over them as if My Illness Is Special? Which, y'know, it's not.

So... yeah, any suggestions or similar experiences are very welcome, and so are thoughts (from anyone) on how this comes across. Though, guard your own spoons if you have this sort of stuff too, 'kay? :) I am as okay as possible & do not want to deplete anyone else's supply.)
 
 
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